4:40.

That's the time I woke up from a restless nights sleep to feed Mav. He isn't allowed to eat before they put him to sleep so I wanted to make sure I fed him as late as possible. That poor sweet boy. I'm changing his diaper and he's trying to focus his eyes to see what's going on, when finally he looked up at me with a look like what the heck lady?!? Don't you know how this works...I wake you. You don't wake me! After lots of trying I couldn't get him to really eat which I know will make for extra crying in a few hours:( so I tucked him into our bed while I got up to get a shower.

One of the hardest things about all this. Ha. Like there are only a few. Seriously. It's all hard. Every bit of it down right sucks. Lets just say that. Anyway...it's explaining or trying to explain what's going on to Mav's sisters. They don't get it of course and I don't really want to give them to much info or scare them. So right now all they know is that I've shuffled them off to yet another friends house while I spend their spring break at the hospital and in and out of doctors appts. I think Mahala knew there was no way we were taking any trips so last week all she asked (and made me pinky promise) that we would have a lunch and shopping day at the mall. I agreed and then she showed me the shoes and necklace she REALLY needs:) I wish I still had the simple needs of a 10 year old... I haven't worked in weeks so I managed to book a session for Monday evening and told her Tuesday was our day! Well it's Tuesday and we just pulled into fairfax hospital. I'm sure she understands some but that doesn't break my heart any less telling her we can't today.

Ok. Inside we go. I gotta pull myself together.