Big words...big words...big words.

I swear. If you looked at my iPhone google history you would think I was a pre-med student or something!

Today we took maverick back to the hematologist. In 5 days his platelets dropped from 84,000 to 54,000. What a depressing appointment!:( if that wasn't enough his neutrophils dropped even lower.

Anything below 1000/1500 is considered Neutropenia. Neutropenia (noo-troe-PEE-nee-uh) is an abnormally low count of neutrophils, white blood cells that help your immune system fight off infections.

Maverick's number: 270 :( putting him in the severely low category.

The doctor gave us the option to start steroids and we declined. As a parent with a sick baby I feel like there is no right answer. I feel like all day everyday I pray and hope they just give him something to make it all go away and then when they actually give me a drug and tell me all the darn side effects...I don't want it. It won't "fix him" (from what I understand it will help the platelets but not the white cells) and the dosage with his age sounds like a guessing game and the side effects sound way worse than where we are right now. There's even meds for the side effects of the steroids....
So. We said no. The doctor said that was fine for now.

So with all that said he mentioned the words "evans syndrome" and I'm pretty sure I didn't hear anything after that. Yeah. He said its too early to diagnose him as Evans but we can't rule it out. Well...WHY THE HECK DID YOU MENTION IT????

I have read about Evans and it scares the CRAP out of me. It's a rare autoimmune disorder in which the body makes antibodies that destroy the red blood cells, platelets and white blood cells for no reason. Forever. No cure. Most treatments don't even offer complete relief. I can't even imagine. I know I'm getting ahead of myself but it's what I do. I prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

With every pregnancy I always had the fear that I wouldn't be able to devote enough time to each of my amazing little babies when the new one arrived. I feared that they would feel less loved and important and resent me or the baby. Since maverick has been sick I've seen that come true in so many ways. I know it's not my fault and can't be helped but with something like Evans...that would be our life. Forever and ever. So thank you mr. hematologist for giving me something else to worry about...

My sweet boy today. How can somebody that is sick be so happy?! I don't get it...