Bad dreams.

Mav woke me up this morning having what I guess was a bad dream. He woke up to eat at 4am and I just laid him in bed next to me. Around 6 I woke up and looked over and he was whimpering and doing that short breath you do after crying but he wasn't crying. At first it looked like a seizure or something since he wasn't crying so I picked him up really fast and woke him up. Finally he looked up at me and smiled. Scared me for sure! At first thought I was like, what can a 4 month have bad dreams about?!! Then on second thought with what he has been through...it's no wonder! So many needles, nurses, doctors...my heart just hurts thinking about it. No child should have to experience things like this! I pray everyday that he isn't old enough to remember any of it.
During the last 26 days I've tried so many times to find the positive sides of this situation. His age is the only one I can ever find. I've never had to say no you can't ride that bike or play that sport because your blood won't clot. I'm not chasing a toddler terrified he will bump has head on a coffee table. He can't talk. I don't have to hear him yell mommy no! Mommy hold me! No more! I had to hear those exact words from a little boy about 5 years old at our last office visit and my heart physically hurt for that mommy. Then as we stood side by side making our next appts we glanced at each other, faked a smile and moved on. I can still hear his little voice. I feel so lucky har I didn't have that factor making this even harder.
Getting ready for our next blood check today. PRAYING FOR SKY HIGH NUMBERS MAVY MAN!:)