On a roll.

Maverick rolled over this morning for the first time. In a hospital bed. How unfair is that? I had just dressed him in his hospital gown and laid him on his belly to tie the back up when over he went! He was cheered on by nurses and anesthesiologists. He smiled of course and looked around like what did I do?? Then the nurse picked him up and took him down the hall to be weighed where I could hear many ohhs and ahhs and her saying this is maverick! Isn't he a cutie? Then the other nurse said, what's he in for and the nurse said bone marrow and then there was a group effort of Awwww. And poor babies which of course made me cry.
I was not prepared for the actual putting him to sleep part today. I was worried about the being asleep part but it didn't occur to me to think about what him getting there would be like. I think that really was a shock for Martin and I both. Watching them place that mask over his little mouth. He got a little fussy and was squeezing my finger so tight and in under a minute his big blue eyes started to drift and close and then he just let go of my finger. They let me give him a kiss and then walked us to the waiting room.
I think we were only in the waiting room for 20 mins before the doctor came out to get us. He told us everything went ok and they were cleaning him up. When we got to go in they were packing him up to move to another room in the pediatric sedation unit.
I remember the first time we had to come here. Oh my... It's pretty much the saddest place I've ever seen. I do think it's wonderful that there is an area that is fully devoted to children for treatments and testing like this but it's so hard to see any baby or child sick and here that's all it is. It's an area with around 20 curtain divided rooms and you can hear every cry and moan from every corner. Every parent has the same tired worried face and a tissue balled up in their hands. Last time I remember having a guilty feeling because our little boy looked to be the healthiest there but that was the same time that we found out the white cells were dropping as well and I worried if we were heading down the same path these parents are on. That's my worry again today. The paperwork they handed us said bone marrow aspiration to diagnose or treat leukemia or lymphoma. Both cancers. Now the doctors have all told us they seriously doubt that he has either because only two cell lines are affected and he just looks and acts so darn healthy so why do they then put that on paperwork?!? Someone please explain that to me?
They started Mav on his 3rd IVIG (Intravenous immunoglobulin) treatment about 2 hours ago. He spiked a fever an hour in and turned bright red so they have stopped it for a little while to let him cool down. He always gets a dose of Tylenol and benadryl before starting so he sleeps the entire time and now here we sit. Martin and I. Returning emails, researching words we find on paperwork we don't understand, playing words with friends, kissing Maverick's sweet little forehead. Whatever we can do to fade out the noise and make the time pass.

I thought I'd post on here once or twice but it really does feel good to have somewhere to vent and just let it all out.
Maybe I'll print this when it's all said and done and stuff it into Maverick's memory box. Someday When he's a healthy grown up he can read it and see that from the very start he lived up to his name...
Maverick : an independent individual who does not go along with a group or party. A wild or independent spirit.